To the Guy who shouts "Gay Tw*t"

If any of you know me or anything about me you may be aware that a lot of my best friends are either bi or gay, we are in the year 2015 and my best friends still get grief for the sexuality receiving comments such as “you are a gay twat” or “your kind disgust me”. 

Heck, the other day some boys was giving my friend hate for their sexuality and in the end I turned around and said my best friend was my boyfriend – Like my best friend had to feel ashamed for his identity and hide it just to get some peace to walk down the street! 

My other best friend who is a lesbian -  tends to get " Hey, you're too pretty to be a lesbian" like what?

Now I am aware that not everyone is accepting, I am aware people feel disgusted in the idea of two sex’s being with each other whether its cultural views or religious views but I am also aware that people who read this will also think “What on earth? How can people be so cruel, that is so sad?”

Which I do agree with, I don’t understand why people need to voice so negative opinions. 


Now, for people who are reading this and are homophobic – I am not ranting at you for being bad people or whatever, you have every right to your opinion and just because it doesn’t collaborate with mine doesn’t necessarily mean that I think your horrible, think what you want to think BUT to make a human being feel shit for something is a part of them, well it’s wrong - verbalising your hatred is something entirely different. 


If you we’re made to be felt shit by something you are (whether it be skin colour or eye colour or even if you had a physical or mental illness) and you we’re being made to feel like walking down the street was actually a hassle because of it, then wouldn’t you feel like absolute rubbish? – Hey some people totally rock the hate they get and that’s pretty cool but doesn’t mean they should still get it.

If you know this about me, then I study psychology and sociology and I needed to find out why people are homophobic. And if you haven’t heard of Freud, well my friend you are in for a treat! If you have ever heard of Oedipus complex or the Greek Myth then you may see where this is going. However, if you don’t this is just a simple explanation of his theory – Freud believed that as a child there are five stages for your personality to develop all depending on your age is depending on each stage. The stages are in ascending order: Oral, Anal, Philliac, Latency and Genital.


 If a child has too much or too little of a stage they become fixated – for example, the anal stage occurs when you are around 18 months to three years old if you have indulged then whilst you're an adult you become an anal retentive which featured characteristics such as wanting to have things immaculate. Anyway – Freud said at the Philiac stage boys develop unconscious sexual wishes for their mother, he then becomes rivals with his father and sees him as competition for the mother’s affection.


 During this time, boys also develop a fear that their father will punish them for these feelings, such as by castrating them. The boy then identifies with his father By and by doing so the boy develops masculine characteristics and identifies himself as a male, and represses his sexual feelings toward his mother. A fixation at this stage could result in sexual deviances (both overindulging and avoidance). 

Kuyper develops Freud's theory and says that homophobia is the result of the bits and pieces homosexuality in the heterosexual resolution of the oedipal conflict. Whereas these notions are vague, psychoanalytic theories usually postulate that homophobia is a result of repressed homosexual urges.

 However, they are unaware of the urges but they are conflicted which then explains the emotional malaise and irrational attitudes displayed by some individuals who feel guilty about their erotic interests and struggle to deny and repress homosexual impulses.

Whilst researching I found a study which absolutely fascinated me! It was done by Henry E. Adams, Lester W. Wright, Jr., and Bethany A. Lohr who wanted to know if Homophobia Associated With Homosexual Arousal. And what did they find? That non-homophobic people wasn't turned on by the gay porn however the homophobic ones were and showed a dramatic response verbally whilst watching it – obviously there may have been flaws in the study but come on that is pretty interesting! I recommend you give it a read when you have spare time on your hands! 

Now, for the idiot who gave abuse to my best friend for his sexuality – you may want to take a good look at your own life and realise why you had to say what you said and how horrible it is to make an individual feel that way. Maybe you are going through hell and back, I don’t know your life story but there was no need to take it out on my friend. Maybe you are struggling with yourself.


Once again I don’t know but think next time when you open your mouth how much it can affect someone. 

Heart Over Head

Recently, I've witnessed a lot of coming out stories of domestic abuse and I have been envious on how much courage these women and men have shown– so here’s my story.

I was fourteen and I started seeing a guy who was three years older than me, now for most people that is a warning sign about the guy. Admittedly, Even I was sceptical about seeing someone older than me at that age. Mostly because we we’re at very different points in our life but nonetheless I got into that relationship thinking that I was mature enough to handle it but it turns out I wasn’t.

Now, I feel like a total cliché. Have you heard how this goes? Long story short. Younger naïve Girl and Older manipulative boy does not mix well. The first three months of the relationship was amazing. I felt happy, then things turned dark pretty quickly.

See, if you meet this guy. You wouldn’t think he would even be capable of harming a fly. He puts on this persona where he’s a bubbly, kind man. Obviously, I fell for it. And for anyone who I know reading this, I am still terrified that you wouldn’t believe it.

Four months in to the relationship, he crossed a boundary which should have been my warning sign to get out of the relationship. I should have left then, but I didn’t. It was my own fault. Or was it? It’s easy for someone who hasn’t been in the position to sit there and judge – but when you love someone or at least you think you do. You forgive and make idiotic mistakes. You hope that things will be different but you also feel responsible for the other person’s actions. You feel like you are to blame.

After a year of being with him, he said he had depression which is why he has been acting off. Now something I have learnt is that even when you have depression – you do not use your depression to act like an utter asshole to anyone especially to someone you are supposedly be in-love with. So when he was being aggressive, it was due to his ‘depression’ and the fact I was ‘putting’ him into a state. I was to blame, so I felt the constant need to try and make him happy but most of the time I felt threatened that he would do something silly if I had left him.

Majority of the time, I began to feel humiliated. He told random girls that I was a psycho (maybe I am now adding evidence for writing this post in his eyes – but this is about raising awareness not an excuse for me to ‘play the victim’). I found out he cheated on me (let me guess I should of left then? But nope) and it tore down any self-confidence I had in myself which as you can tell I had low self-esteem otherwise I wouldn't have stayed in the relationship for as long as I did. He used to make comments about my body (negative ones), he compared me to other girls, asking me to be more like "her" or "her" and I didn’t feel good enough.  I just believed all his criticism but now when I look back at it, if I was really that bad why would he have even wanted to be with me? It was just away to make me feel trapped. I honestly thought that I was the 'lucky' one to have someone to want me.

In my relationship, I didn’t realise it was classed as being ‘abusive’. I thought it was normal. I thought that his possessiveness was just a sign of his passion and I felt that I needed him. If you are reading this and you feel that your partner isn’t treating you right or that something is missing or odd. Please, I encourage you to talk to someone. I took it for more than two years, many men and women have taking it for a lot longer. But you don’t deserve it- nobody does and no matter how much you believe you do. Do not be with someone who possess, intimates and threatens you. Be happy with yourself first, than be with someone who doesn't treat you right. Then when you do eventually find someone, they will treat you how you should be treated. Now I know it's hard to ignore what your heart says, trust me I wouldn't do it for so long. But at the time the relationship was hard to leave but I did it and it was one of the best things I have ever done.

My Weekend Consisted Of..

Last weekend, I finally watched 'Good Will Hunting' – If you haven't seen it before or heard of it, it stars Robin Williams and it’s about a boy who is a genius but with his background and other issues he doesn’t reach his potential and then a professor recognises it and then he has to go to counselling sessions once a week as part of the deal. If you haven't seen it. I do highly recommend it.

In the film, you see that previous counsellors before Robin Williams was sat with a suit  and tie and looking down on him, trying to find quick solutions for him to become “fixed”. Now personally for me, I saw similar behaviours in my counselling sessions. Now I'm not saying that when I turned up at their office that they we’re sat there with a shirt and tie on and they thought they had the answers but I definitely felt that they we’re judging me and we’re quite patronising.

When I first went to counselling, I kind of expected the American film version (or the Freudian way) where you just sit on the couch and rant about everything, however it was nothing like that. I went in and had to fill in some questionnaire about how I was feeling – then the counsellor. This women I have never met expected me to open up to her straight away. Bearing in mind I was sixteen and I didn’t really want to be there but I also wanted to get better so I tried to cooperate my very best.

Now In CBT the whole point of it was to try and change the way you think about yourself. One exercise I had to list 10 things which I liked about myself which for someone who didn’t like anything about herself it was rather hard. I understand what they we’re trying to achieve, but for me  I was lying through my teeth. It was easy to say “I think I have nice eyes” or “I’m funny” but I didn’t believe those words, I didn’t believe anything like that. If anything I came out of that session worse. Altogether, I've had three different counsellors which isn’t really that bad compared to other people I know and A lot of people said that counselling is just bullshit but I don’t believe that’s the case. Even though for me counselling use to make me more upset, I realised that it was a safe place for me.

But, like Robin Williams was in Good Will Hunting – You have to be more of our equal than thinking you are better. I've had counsellors who have rolled their eyes at me, asked me why I was crying, called me unstable and said some really unhelpful things. Now really they shouldn't have said those things but they did but to say to someone with depression to just cheer up or someone with anxiety is your just being shy is complete and utter horse poop. If it was as easy for someone with depression to just “be happy” don’t you think we would? It’s easy to say on the outside just to do something but no-one would choose to live this kind of life if we had the choice, Others may have it worse than us but that doesn't solve our own problems.